Happy Birthday Ren Suzugamori!
by deletors
Summary: Ren has no guests over at his party, until Kai comes in. Then he decides its time to improvise the party to make it more fun! Except it's only fun for Ren.. Crack fic


**Note: I have nothing against Spice Girls. But when I watched it, I thought Kai would probably hate it, so I wrote it for Ren's birthday! Enjoy~**

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><p>It was Ren's birthday.<p>

The redhead was in a white shirt and a black choker, and his face had a small sad pout as he stared at his phone.

"Nobody's coming to my birthday.." He sighed, pressing the power button. "They're all too busy! No one knows how to have fun..."

He moaned, either because he was frustrated that nobody he had texted or called had agreed to come, or that he had only notified 5 people and was too lazy to call anybody else, or even set up some sort of decent party.

He sighed, and looked at the presents by his desk. Most of them where from the Hitsue High students, a few from his friends who said they couldn't attend for some strange reason, but decided to leave a present for him, and a small vanilla cupcake with red frosting, from Asaka, who was currently out shopping for a _perfect _present for Ren (God knows how long she'll take)

Ren spun a couple times on his revolving chair, using his foot to push himself off the side of the desk and keep him spinning. Well, this birthday would totally be a bummer.

At least until the elevator door opened.

Ren suddenly stopped himself when he heard the humming of the elevator, and a loud ding. Machinery whirred as the doors opened, and in stepped Kai.

The redhead was stunned. Kai usually never really cared. Then again, his mates apparently changed him, so he was becoming more sincere.

"Kai!" Ren cheered. He immediately threw his phone out the window, and ran over to hug him. The brunet allowed himself to be glomped for the umpteenth time, sweatdropping as he watched the phone fly out the window and crash through the glass.

_Was that necessary? _He silently thought as Ren let go of him and began circling around him like an excited puppy.

"You don't normally come to visit me on my birthday~" Ren grinned, skidding to a halt and resting his head and arms on Kai's shoulder. "You really have changed, Kai."

The boy expected a glare from Kai, but he just shrugged. "Yeah. Looks like I'm the only one at your little party, huh?"

Ren pouted.

"Alright then." Kai sighed. "So then, how should we spend your birthday?"

Ren put a finger to his lips and thought. How _should _he spend his birthday? It wasn't like they could really do anything, with a nearly empty office room and a cupcake. For a moment, he thought about smushing the cupcake in Kai's face, but he vetoed that out. He didn't want to scare off his only guest.

The redhead grinned. Then, maybe he would have to improvise.

"O-oi, what's with that look?" Kai said nervously. He knew very well about Ren's sly antics, and he didn't want to get caught in one.

"I just remembered!" Ren said innocently. "I prepared something in case anyone came. Follow me~"

He walked back into the elevator, Kai steadily walking with him. He brought them down to around the 4th floor, two floors away from his comfy little office.

He led Kai through a series of tiny hallways before they arrived at a little room. A small, simple yellow room with a chair and a TV.

"What.." Kai said, cocking his head. This didn't look like anything _fun._

"I'll get some stuff." Ren told him, gently pushing him in. "Make yourself at home!"

Kai grunted, but he walked inside anyway, and looked more closely. The TV seemed to be protected for some reason, as if Ren was afraid the screen might break. A thick coat of glass covered the screen, and two large speakers sat at the bottom. At the corner of the room, there was a little intercom of some sorts.

Before the brunet could notice any more, the heavy door behind him slammed, and then the sound of a click.

"Ren?!" The brunet immediately went up to the door and pounded on it. "Ren! What is this?!"

_"Why, it's my birthday gift!" _A voice came from the intercom, obviously his friend's gleeful voice. _"From me, to me."_

Kai scowled, just imagining the impish smile on Ren's face. "Why am I locked in here?! What are you going to do with me?!"

He wished he could take those words back the moment he said them.

_"The most entertaining thing to me!" _The voice came out much shriller now, as if Ren was really excited or trying to hold back a laugh.

"What?!"

_"I'm going to make you watch the Spice Girls!" _Ren giggled.

"No..."

_"And it's the sing along version!"_

"No no no..."

_"Have fun Kai!" _The voice said. And then, a fuzzy click.

Kai watched in horror as the screen behind him started playing, of course as Ren promised, the Spice Girls. A movie Kai had always hated. As horrific music started playing, he could literally feel his ears go moist from bleeding.

"Ren! Please! This is too cruel!" Kai screamed, pounding desperately at the door. "Let me go!"

The redhead that was in the next room grinned as Kai's words turned into gurgled screams, drowned out mostly from the loud intro music. A intercom microphone sat on the table in front of him, his cupcake he had brought down with him, along with a VCR, and a small little tablet where he could watch Kai despair. After all, the side of him who loved to watch people scream and wither hadn't completely left him yet.

He had planned this, just for Kai, knowing that he would come because he cared about his mates.

"You're too predictable now, Kai." Ren hummed to himself as he lifted up the cupcake from the table, beginning to lick off the red frosting. "You've gone soft."

He smilled, propping his feet up on the table and contently watching Kai writhe and scream. The horrified expression on the brunet's face was enough to laugh about as he pounded on the door again and covered his ears.

"I knew this was the best way to celebrate!"

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><p>The movie had ended. Thank god. Thank. Fucking. God.<p>

Kai was curled up by the door. Blood was leaking from his ears, and his eyes were bloodshot and puffy from despairing. But otherwise, he felt the happiness left in him gather in his now withered heart.

The movie was a gruesome 1 hour and 39 minutes long. Kai was so close to his peak that he could literally see his life flashing before his eyes.

"Ren..." He croaked, though his voice was full of hatred. "I will...kill you..."

The redhead was still in the next room, still licking his cupcake (it was amazing, how long it lasted.)

He grinned. "How was the movie?" He asked through the intercom.

"I.. will... give you hell... when I get out of here..."

"I'm afraid you can't get out then!" Ren purred.

"Ren... I will..."

"Nope!"

The redhead almost grinned sadistically as he hit the replay button, and the movie started all over again. Kai watched in horror as the intro started all over again.

Ren finally decided to take the first bite into the vanilla cake, smiling giddily as he heard Kai start to scream again.

"Best birthday ever!" He cheered, and began humming the birthday song to himself as he heard Kai scream death threats through sobbing and the loud music playing on the speakers


End file.
